


The Chocolate Lover

by Gammarad



Category: Ancient Roman Religion & Lore
Genre: Background Cupid/Psyche, Gen, Modern Era, Phone Advice Line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26001565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gammarad/pseuds/Gammarad
Summary: Delta gives advice to lovelorn callers on the Roman Pantheon Advice Hotline, but she's never been in a romance herself. Venus sends Cupid after her to teach her a lesson. She ends up learning one, but probably not the one Venus had in mind.
Relationships: Cupid & Aromantic Woman
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4
Collections: Aromantic Characters Exchange





	The Chocolate Lover

**Author's Note:**

  * For [27twinsister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/27twinsister/gifts).



Delta had been introduced to the Roman pantheon at a college Pagan club event, found it appealed more than any belief system she'd previously encountered, and never looked back. She read everything involving the Roman gods, Jupiter and Juno, Vesta and Mars, Mercury, Pluto, and all the rest. And now those deities played a big part in earning Delta's living.

 _Advice from the Roman Pantheon_ , the pay-per-minute phone psychic advice line, was usually a wonderful gig, but when three quarters of the callers wanted help with their love lives -- every advice line operator's fate in early February -- Delta got frustrated. 

“Give me a prayer for faster volleys.” That was her first non-Valentine’s-Day-related call of the evening, from a tennis player. Delta offered an invocation to Mercury, suggested a brand of incense that Mercury favored, and agreed to remember the caller’s request in her daily devotions. 

Romance and Delta were not friendly. Delta had only twice tried having a boyfriend, and once a girlfriend, and not once had it worked out well, so she had decided she wasn’t interested in that kind of relationship. She would have proceeded to happily ignore it, but most of her friends got very weird about romance around Valentine’s Day. The ones who were happy with their relationships got all goopy, which was cute, but also made Delta cringe if she got too close, like a puppy who drooled a lot. 

The ones who were unhappy about their relationships got all fake happy, which was disturbing in more than one way and Delta really had to avoid _them_ at this time of year. And the ones who were single got either mopey, which made Delta feel uncomfortably sad for them despite not really getting why they would let _that_ get them so down, or archly fake-disinterested, which made Delta feel rather like they were making fun of her. 

If it wasn’t for the amazing chocolate at this time of year, Delta thought, she’d outright hate it. Chocolate was the only thing that got Delta through the first half of February. Not just any chocolate -- it had to be the limited edition cherry almond milk chocolate truffles made by her favorite local candy maker, Cocoa Bow Chocolatiers. The shop had been in the same place for Delta’s entire life. She remembered her grandmother taking her there and buying her one piece of candy every week of kindergarten if she’d got her gold stars from the teacher every day. 

Of course with that kind of bribe, Delta had got all the gold stars she could. Then, as a teenager, she’d sometimes ditch the school bus and take the city bus downtown to buy herself chocolate on bad days. Their caramel pecan turtles were amazing! Their milk and white chocolate striped squares were really good, too. But Delta’s very favorite, the milk chocolate cherry almond truffles, were only made in the first half of February as a Valentine’s Day special. 

The next caller wanted to know how to get his ex back. Usually when Delta got one of these calls, she talked about Juno and holding on fiercely to what was yours, but she had Mercury on her mind. "You can go forward, leave this behind," she told him. 

Delta didn't think about the fact that she was giving advice to lovelorn callers without mentioning Venus, the Roman goddess of love. Unfortunately for Delta, _Venus_ noticed. She wasn't pleased at all. 

It's not wise to show disrespect to Venus, especially in February, which has become specially her month in the modern era. 

Cupid had received the usual list of mortals to inflict her punishment on along with the favored list to reward on the first day of the month. Most of them had gone smoothly. There was one, though.

"I'm not sure what to do about this one. Somehow she's unaffected by my arrows." He pointed to a name three quarters of the way down the list, where a certain woman had offended Venus by advising the lovelorn despite never having been in love herself. 

"I'll see what I can find out," Psyche told him. She was good with the newly invented ways to get information. Cupid wasn't, didn't want to be. Even the gods weren't immune to his arrows that made people fall in love with the target Cupid chose, so why was this woman? She wasn't the first target ever, but it had been a long time, and the clever mayflies that were human beings had invented things in the meantime. 

There were columns of numbers and words glowing on a pair of rectangle shaped devices Psyche was playing with. "Even if she's immune, there's some things you can do to punish her for your boss," Psyche said, with the pursed lips she always got when mentioning Venus. 

"My mother," Cupid said, not really liking to think of Venus as his boss. 

"Our esteemed Lady," Psyche said, too sweetly. "This woman who's immune really loves chocolate, especially from this one shop. And the founders are easy pickings for a whirlwind romance, they're ready to retire at the right inducement." She went on to explain her plan. Cupid nodded. His wife was wise and beautiful and devious and he was very fortunate to have her on his side for eternity. 

He did not need anyone else, he thought. He had been alone before Venus adopted him, he had had her company for a while until they fell out over Psyche, and now he had Psyche. The other gods feared him, and he could not respect them. Even less so, humans, obnoxiously fickle in love on their own and so easily tipped by his slightest whim. Psyche -- she was not immune to his power, but he was entirely vulnerable to hers as well. And she was always happy to help when he needed it.

He carried out her suggested plan and it seemed to go just fine.

The _Retirement_ sign hung on the Cocoa Bow front window. Behind the locked door, the shop was shuttered and dark. What? _What?_ The sign said, “Thanks to all our loyal customers! We’ve closed down and are moving to Palm Springs to retire. We are grateful for the years of patronage and hope you find your bliss just as we have!”

They couldn’t retire! What about her chocolate? Delta tried to be realistic, she tried to consider that there were many other types of chocolate in the world, a lot of them would even be going on sale in a week, once Valentine’s Day was over, and she could get them half price. But despite her upbeat logical thoughts, she felt tears stinging her eyes. She was going to start sobbing in front of a closed store, and that was not adult behavior at all. A 24 year old woman should be too mature to cry over candy. 

Logic was no use. Delta was crying anyway. Somehow she had to make it through another shift of advising people on their romances, even though she kept thinking about her lost chocolates and wanting to burst back into tears. 

The last call of the shift was a strange one. It came up with the usual script for a romantic problem, in this case the caller's mother and wife didn't get along. But he didn't seem to want to talk about it.

That wasn't the unusual part, Delta got quite a few callers who lost their nerve and tried to make it about her.

"How does your mom get along with your husband?" he asked.

"They never got along," Delta said. 

"What do they fight about?"

When they deflected, she just put herself in their position and that made it about them again, except it let them pretend it wasn't. "Oh, she doesn't think he's good enough for me."

This always worked. Except not on this guy. "Yeah, that's... Hey. You aren't actually married, are you?"

Delta was so surprised she admitted it. "You got me. Are you psychic too?" She chuckled.

"As psychic as you. So, not married, but a boyfriend?"

She thought she'd better not lie again, in case he could tell. Once she could laugh off, a repeat would probably earn her an unsatisfied customer complaint. "No, I'm happily single. Never really been the dating type. But I'm still a reliable advisor, so tell me about your problem."

But he wouldn't be redirected. Well, it was his four dollars a minute, Delta thought, and indulged him. She told him about being aromantic. "Aro?" he asked. "Is that a Cupid joke?"

"Because of his love arrows?" Delta laughed. She'd never thought of that. "No, it's just shorthand, sometimes you don't want to say all four syllables all the time." 

"And that means even if Cupid used one of his arrows on you, it wouldn't work?"

She'd never thought of that, either. "Nope, I guess not. But hey, enough about me, don't you want my advice on the problem with your mom and your wife?"

"Sure," he said, finally giving in. "What's your advice?"

Delta had been thinking of it through the whole conversation about her own romantic status and lack thereof. "It's a Vesta problem," she said. He made a surprised sound, and maybe he wanted to interrupt, but he didn't, and she went on. "Vesta's the goddess of domestic life."

"You have a point," the caller said. 

Of course she did. "You decide where your home is, and you make it clear to both of them. If it's with your wife, your mother can open her home to you both, if she chooses, or bar it to you both, but she can't go half. If it's with your mother, your wife can spend time with you, but she has to let go of believing you belong to her home. Once you've made it clear, I think, they'll settle it between themselves, they just both think they can win a fight over you." This analysis might be wrong, but she'd seen this dynamic in a couple of her friends' marriages and she didn't think it was.

"Home is with my wife." The caller sounded very sure.

"That's probably a good sign for your marriage," Delta told him. "Offer prayers to Vesta on the subject and then have a talk with them each separately." 

"You give a lot of advice on romance, don't you," the caller said. It was clearly not a question.

"Yes," Delta answered warily.

"But you don't cite Venus or Cupid much. I would've thought they'd be the first ones you think of when it's that kind of problem?"

He was still paying by the minute, so even though Delta was past done with this caller, she thought she'd eke out a bit more money for herself and her employer. "You'd think, right? But while they're the deities of romance, they don't have much romance _advice_ to give. People thank them when their relationships go smoothly and they don't call me. There's already a problem once my phone rings, and that means going to someone who can help." 

"All right. Thanks for your help." The caller hung up without waiting for Delta to reply.

She was done for the night, so she logged out and headed to bed. What a very strange caller that had been. He had done her a good turn, though. She had been so intrigued by his oddity that she had forgotten all about the sad loss of her favorite chocolatier for the entire conversation.

"I talked to her. Called her psychic phone line."

"Really?" Psyche looked at him intently. "What did you say?"

"Asked her why she thought she was immune."

"And?"

"She said she was aro. That it's short for aromantic."

Psyche laughed. "They're mixing up roots again!"

Cupid waited her out.

"The a prefix for forming opposite meaning is specifically for Greek words, which romantic..." she trailed off in giggles.

"It doesn't mean anything anyway. Might as well explain why you can't die by saying you're immortal."

"Oh!" Psyche was silent for a pause long enough that Cupid knew she was thinking deeply. "You should talk to her again. Face to face. You'll figure something out."

Of course he could figure something out. That coffee shop she went to, where he'd shot her with the first, failed arrows. He liked to dress up as himself this time of year, or what Americans thought of him as being, a guy in a fancy outfit with little angel wings and a fake bow with an arrow glued onto it. He waited till she came in, then gave the barista a note to give her when she picked up her drink. 

Cupid was sipping his latte when Delta sat down across from him. She had a green tea. "That's quite an outfit."

"Valentine's Day is tomorrow," he said. "It's popular."

"I bet." Delta blew on her tea, then sipped it. "You said you had some info for me? About Cocoa Bow? How did you even know ... we haven't met, have we?"

"You're a regular here. And I happened to see you standing outside the closed store there, looking upset." He left it to her to fill in the blanks with something that would make sense to her.

"Huh," Delta said, tipping her head to the left as she looked at him curiously.

"I checked on the owners for you. They're very happy where they are, but it might be possible to lure them back."

Delta took a sharp inward breath. "Really?" She leaned toward Cupid. "That's such good news!"

He didn't react at all. The pleased look slowly faded from her face, replaced by an unfocused look. On Psyche this would indicate deep thought. Cupid wasn't sure what it meant about Delta. 

"Holding onto the past might not be the right direction for me," she said. "Especially if it meant pulling those guys back from where they're happy -- they've made me happy over so many years, what kind of repayment is that?"

"Not a great one," Cupid agreed. "But it does show your devotion. Maybe they'd be happy they had such a dedicated fan."

"It'd be verging on the creepy kind of dedicated," Delta said, shaking her head. "No, I mean, thank you, but I'd better not."

He got a sense, suddenly, of what made Delta immune, and he saw immediately how it worked. A new sense of his own power. He could work around it, but he'd never really have the power over her he did over most mortals. "That's wiser than most people would be in your situation."

"I don't know," Delta said with a shrug. "It's what seems right." She winced. "Depressing, though."

Cupid waited till she was looking at the pastry display, where he saw a luscious looking chocolate croissant. He took careful aim and shot just as Delta's gaze passed over the target pastry. "I know what'll cheer you up," he said when her attention came back to him. 

He felt her watching while he bought her the filled croissant and brought it back to the table. She took a bite. "Mmm, this is fantastic," she said. "You know what? I do feel better already."

"Glad I could help," he said, feeling better himself. "We should do this again." He definitely didn't need a mortal friend, but maybe it would be nice to have one.

"Yeah," Delta agreed. "Next month?"

"Maybe next Valentine's Day?"

"Perfect. I won't be busy." Delta and Cupid laughed together.


End file.
